PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
