I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize