So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
