I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
