btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just googled if crying burns calories
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
