just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
