I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
