I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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