dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
