Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
