I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
