dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
