Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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