Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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