Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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