Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
