I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
