At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
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