how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize