The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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