he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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