I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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