i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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