I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
