I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
