And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
