I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
im six kinds of drunk right now
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
