so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
