from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
