The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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