If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
