The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
