Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
