You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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