I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
