Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
