i can't believe i had my finger in that
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
