Tell her she can't have a vagina
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
