he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I AM VODKA MAN
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
