Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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