You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Randomize
