who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
