so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
