Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
