Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
