Only a mothe r could love this liver
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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