You're my little dorito
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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