You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize