i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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