i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
