I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
We need to get me chipped asap
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
