So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
