It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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