You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
