great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
NoShamevember. You game?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
