it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize