I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
