oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
