He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
