there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
