I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
