Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Is it penis luge time yet?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
