OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize