Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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