It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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