I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
