I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
