awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
