True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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