I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
