The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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