Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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