Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Randomize
