they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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