operation have a gay friend backfired
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
We were destined to go to rehab together
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
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