alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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