hell yes lets make some ravioli
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize