i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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