I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Hippo gnu deer
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
