Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
