Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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