so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
How does one acquire holy water?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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