Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
