so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
