whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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